The GOES West Satellite?

You phone and internet fools ought to be familiar with this one. It wasn't the first time you paid immensely for your fucking up, and along these same lines, it definitely won't be the last time.

Remember back in early 1989, two or three months or so after Dec. 23rd, 1988, the night the GOES West satellite died? This was after I left Colorado Springs for Denver.

They had to move the GOES east satellite to the center of the United States to compensate for the loss, and we all were without weather satellite cloud images on the news for two weeks, until the GOES East took up its new position.

I say it was no malfunction. I say the GOES West satellite went flying upwards and to the east with great velocity. I also say that it wasn't only the GOES West satellite. I say that at least 5 or 6 adjacent satellites also bit the dust that night. For you morons, adjacent means right next to.

Some fools made the mistake of using one of those pieces of junk in a way that irritated me, so I busted out, and I hit. I tried to see the dickheads, but the ability wasn't all that it could be that night. However, I did see the physical source of the irritation itself.

Back then, and to this day, I always tried to find and hit the assholes operating some electromagnetic piece of shit, rather than to hit the equipment. If you hit the equipment, the fools get new equipment, and invite their lame friends around in the hopes that hit might be seen again, as if it were some form of entertainment. Rather than have my existence turn into some lame freak show, I try to send a more effective message about the non-wisdom or irradiating my ass with your lame piece of shit.

Unfortunately though, I couldn't see the lamers that night. I did see a crystal clear picture of the source, though, like I was right up there. There were about 7 or 8 satellites, in geostationary orbit, spaced out every few degrees, with minor variations in heights, shining down like little suns in orbit over the western part of the USA.

Although I could see them, I was unable to tell which one the irritation was coming from. There was some alpha wave bullshit coming from nearby, making it irritating to try to get to sleep, and I couldn't locate the piece of shit.

I did find a part of the routing network, though, that the signal was coming through, and it was one of those satellites.

Since I couldn't tell which one it was, I tried to hit them all. I could have swore I was able to see at least 6 or 7 of them go flying upwards and to the east with great velocity.

The thing is, I never said a word about it to anyone. I didn't speak it in my room, in my house, or over the phone, or to anyone. I lost the picture, and couldn't see the satellites anymore, but the truly irritating bullshit was turned off like a lightbulb at the instant I tried to hit. I turned over, and finally got a good night's sleep.

The next morning I hear on the news that the GOES West satellite had failed, and they were moving the GOES East to compensate for the loss.

I read the newspaper and watched the TV news every day back then, because we all had a subscription to the Denver Post, and the Rocky Mountain News, and of course, we had a TV set.

There was never a word about any other satellite 'malfunctioning', so how is it that I know about the other ones right next to the GOES West that 'malfunctioned' ?

If you think the loss of a satellite is bad, or put the hurt on you phone lameasses, wait until you see what I do to your lame ass later on if you make the mistake of pissing me off...

Then there was the EXXON Valdez.

My roommates around Denver at the time know, Jonathan Turkel, Dan Elmer, and Dave Wheelhouse. Jon is a TV commercial producer, both Dan and Dave are series 7 stockbrokers. Dan was also bartending, and Dave played in the Colorado Amateur Hockey league as a goalie.

Who hung around the house at the time? I doubt any would admit to it, but I seem to recall being able to sense Tommy LaSorda and some NFL/network jokers lurking around (which was OK enough, I suppose, since they are at least halfway normal people), and some people (also normal enough) from the Colorado government. Mayor Pena (later US transportation Secretary Pena) used to hang out from time to time, I lived at 1525 Kearney, about a block from his house.

So, one night, I went to the Denver FOG/PC (First Osborne Group, PC user group) computer meeting, to score on some CP/M software for my lame Osborne 1 computer.

One of the programs I came home with was STANK.BAS, a BASIC computer language program. STANK.BAS is an oil supertanker simulation. It is pretty lame, as simulations go, using only text-based graphics, but it was entertaining for a few hours. The goal is to bring a supertanker into port at Valdez, Alaska, without crashing it in the process. (The name of the tanker was not the Valdez, it was some other name.)

I played it for about two hours, finally managing to dock the simulated piece of junk once or twice. Then I asked my roommates if they wanted to try it. I explained it, and said although it could be better, it wasn't a total waste of time, and they could play it if they wanted.

They were too busy getting ready to watch a movie in the living room.

I played it a couple more times, then gave it up and turned in for the night.

The next morning, we hear the news that the EXXON Valdez had crashed in Alaska. Man were we all freaked out...

A stray thought, perhaps? Who knows...

Then there was the fool FCC dickweed that made the mistake of getting up in my face with his electromagnetic piece of shit, thinking he was all raw and everything.

I tried for the longest time to get something done about electromagnetic bullshit. In 1985, I found out I was sensitive to radio frequency, when I bought a pallet of electronic gear from Ax-Man electronic surplus that had a radio transmitter and amplifiers.

I didn't figure out that it was silver poisoning until 1993. But I complained about intentional use of frequency to the FCC, hoping to get some action taken, from 1985 until about 1989, when I finally gave up.

It seems that the FCC dickheads were already aware of silver poisoning, though.

Back in 1989, I was in the neighborhood, so I went down there to show my face, but the FCC lamer was out to lunch. Now, they have an automated cafeteria up there, on the 6th floor of the Federal Courts Building in St. Paul, MN, but back then it was a regular small cafeteria run by an old blind guy with a seeing eye dog.

So, I went over there to wait for the FCC dickweed to return from lunch. I looked OK, I could have been there for a job interview. I sat there, bothering nobody, waiting for this jerk to get back from lunch and waste more of my time.

Then I started noticing the building's internal surveillance system. I had the distinct feeling I was being watched, and it felt like there was some interesting female empathy behind it, so I started paying attention and flirting and all.

Senator Boschwitz' office might have had something to do with it. In 1987, I offered my ability to see to the government, but some criminal dickweeds that had been hanging around didn't approve of the idea, and started up some nasty electromagnetic interference, which made it difficult to see anything. Even so, I still managed to make a few displays of having such an ability, mostly by empathy.

This could be how this attention came to pass that day. At any rate, it wasn't bad, so I started basking and trying to get the female I sensed to come around and show herself.

Some lame dickweed who was lurking around and paying attention didn't approve of this. He probably figured that with all the surveillance going on, his wife or girlfriend might learn of my legendary ability with females and dump his lame ass.

Whatever his foolishness was, he allowed me to finally figure out what the meaning of the third device was.

All throughout the 1980s, around government offices and around the downtown St. Paul Skyway, it was common to witness someone wheeling a huge three or four shelf heavy duty metal cart around. The top shelf held a huge TV, the next lower shelf held a VCR, and there was always a mysterious third device on the next lower shelf, some electronic device whose purpose one could not ascertain just by seeing it wheeled past. It wasn't a computer, a light projector, or a printer, whatever it was.

So, I'm sitting there in the cafeteria, bothering nobody, sitting there drinking coffee and waiting for the FCC hockey puck to return from lunch.

Then, after I started relating to the females on the other side of the building security system, some asshole turns on some electromagnetic piece of shit, irritating beyond words, and gets right up in my face with it.

I could see him pretty good, he was right on the other side of the cafeteria wall, in the FCC offices, with one of those TV carts.

So, this lamer thinks he's all serious shit, and starts getting up in my face with his amplified empathy, trying to hit me and put the hurt on me. But the lamer was out of his league.

I could no longer sense the interesting female empathy, only this fool. I even tried to warn his lame ass, twice. I communicated to him (without saying anything), and I know he heard, "You want to die?"

The fool just gets more determined. So, I reached out and I hit, just a warning, not anything that would be an attempt to cause permanent harm, and he comes back with "is that the best you can do"?, and gets even more determined. Maybe it was one of Ozzy Osbourne's buddies from when the lame musicians used to hang out, when the religious scam went on, who had heard about hit, and thought he was more serious shit than I could ever hope to be.

So, I finally says to myself, I don't need this shit, and I reached out with some imagined weapon and tried to lay his lame ass to waste. It turned that sucker off like a light bulb. He was there, and then he was gone. The female empathy returned, and I couldn't sense hide nor hair of the lameass, so I turned my attention back to the female and started basking again.

About two or three minutes later, three red-faced, pissed off GSA security guards come in, and tell me "If you ain't got no business here, you gotta leave". The oldest one was the most pissed off, the lamer was almost frothing at the mouth, the younger one was very pissed off, and the youngest one was the least pissed off, as though he didn't have any details, but the other two did.

I says "It's a public building, man". He says "That doesn't matter, you gotta leave".

So, I says "well, I'm here to get a duplicate Social Security card, man", so they escort me down to Social Security on the first floor, and then made sure I left the building afterwards.

To this day, I regret not having called the Police about getting kicked out of a public building for sitting all alone in a cafeteria and drinking coffee. Then there would have been witnesses, and a more permanent record.

The presence of that TV set on that cart tells me that the FCC knew full well about silver poisoning in 1989.

I doubt, because of that, that anyone would get the whole truth about the incident, but you might at least get a partial truth, and save yourself a universe of hurt later on.